Three weeks ago the scales hit 81 kilograms. On a 163cm slightly pear shaped frame, 81 kilograms shows. This is officially the heaviest I had ever been and was the catalyst for making a decision to once again get serious about my health, weight loss, fitness goals, and what it is that I really want to do to get myself there.
Im capable of being fit and have been so in the past. Ive always been a yo-yo on the weight scene, thanks largely to a predisposition to emotional eating that tends to include not just one emotion to trigger food frivolity, but anything from exhilaration and celebration to sadness, loneliness, and boredom. I also refuse to partake in fad diets or starve myself, however I do enjoy exercise and when I'm in a happy, motivated place with a set exercise routine, I can thrive.
In July 2012 I ran in and completed the Gold Coast Marathon, and was at what I consider 'goal weight', the peak of my physical condition for a woman now in her 30s. Closely after I completed that marathon however, I went overseas for some time and somehow lost my running and exercise mojo somewhere within those weeks on-end that I spent happily travelling on trucks and buses, living by campfire and canvas.
The year I 'had to have'...
When I finally settled back into Melbourne life in 2013, I returned to working again as a Podiatrist in a private practice and living in a nice little place near the beach.
Throughout most of 2013, I found myself in a constant battle between my motivation to run, my awareness of returning weight gain, and a very weird head space. Some people talk about how you can have a year that you 'have to have', which is probably just another way for saying that you sometimes will have a shitty year, however it was an important year that perhaps I did 'have to have'.
This is by no means an excuse but I did have a particularly tough year for flare ups in a condition that I have called rheumatoid arthritis, which did make an already mediocre motivation to get up and go out for a run in dark, cold and rainy conditions seem almost impossible. So I didnt do it most of the time or sporadically at best.
This is by no means an excuse but I did have a particularly tough year for flare ups in a condition that I have called rheumatoid arthritis, which did make an already mediocre motivation to get up and go out for a run in dark, cold and rainy conditions seem almost impossible. So I didnt do it most of the time or sporadically at best.
Emotions were also a ridiculous roller-coaster ride. I achieved coming off anti-depressants for the first time in a while, which was nothing but positive however it did play with my moods quite abit. Although I had been happily separated/divorced for some time I think I found that some of the insecurities and self esteem issues that can lay dormant from those experiences also reared up during last year. It was important that I worked through those, so although I perhaps did not focus so well on my health and my physical condition, I definitely worked very hard on my emotional and mental well-being.
Definitely the best thing that happened in 2013 was meeting the man who I know is my true soulmate and who I believe I was destined to eventually find and join forces with in my life. I must admit the first 6 months we knew each other were quite challenging at times, particularly as I worked through some of my 'baggage' (eek I hate that word!). Being the first time I had actually been in a real and worthwhile relationship with someone since my marriage, it raised things that I needed to work through that I hadn't realised I was effected by. I won't go into it in great detail because I don't want this blog to be all about that, but lets just pop it under the banner of : Let's put up some emotional walls to protect myself and my self esteem from the past and when did my fear of getting hurt become so great?..
Definitely the best thing that happened in 2013 was meeting the man who I know is my true soulmate and who I believe I was destined to eventually find and join forces with in my life. I must admit the first 6 months we knew each other were quite challenging at times, particularly as I worked through some of my 'baggage' (eek I hate that word!). Being the first time I had actually been in a real and worthwhile relationship with someone since my marriage, it raised things that I needed to work through that I hadn't realised I was effected by. I won't go into it in great detail because I don't want this blog to be all about that, but lets just pop it under the banner of : Let's put up some emotional walls to protect myself and my self esteem from the past and when did my fear of getting hurt become so great?..
But we smashed through those things together very well, and since the beginning of 2014 we haven't looked back. I have never been so happy, content and in love with someone in my life. Cheers to me and my happy love bubble.
Back on Track
So in stretching the happiness bubble to include other facets of my life, especially my health, appearance & other physical challenges, I began thinking about what i would next like to achieve.
One thing that I have learnt about myself is that my motivation to do things are usually tied to a myriad of factors, not just to tick something off as done on my bucket list. For example, I didnt run a marathon just to have ticked off the 'Run a marathon' item on a list. Although I definitely had heartened visions of crossing a marathon finishing line and then be able to call myself a marathoner, what really got me out of bed training on those icy, cold mornings when my hands were claws and bed was cosy, was deeper than that.
Running & training for a marathon was really about proving to myself that I could achieve something difficult on my own. At the time I was living on my own, once again a single woman, finding my own way & my own worth again. Training for & finishing a marathon gave me so much more than a medal, it gave me my confidence back and rebuilt some self esteem.
What next?
Did i want to do another marathon this year? Yes.. Maybe... Not really. The passion to pound the pavement through another winter just isnt there right now. What did I keep picturing I would love to do, could physically do, even in flare ups, what was closest to my heart?
Triathlon..
Ive watched it, trained for it, spent hours thinking and dreaming about it. A few years ago I had entered the Shepparton Half Ironman Triathlon and 5 weeks beforehand got hit by a car whilst out on a training bike ride. Torn calf muscle, smashed up knee cartilage, my race over before it had even began.
Although I physically healed up, mentally I had never really returned to the same headspace. I have barely jumped on my roadbike or gone swimming since.
Until now.
The decision was made 3 weeks ago. Forster in NSW is holding a half ironman triathlon event in November, and I am going to do it.
It being scheduled nearly 8 months away gives me time to train for it and enough preparation to get fit enough to complete it. Perhaps the biggest drawcard for me is that it is held where my love and respect for the sport first began. Way back when I watched my older brother compete in and finish his first ironman. It has sentimental appeal & familiarity of the course despite that race shifting to Port Macquarie some time ago.
Today Im 2 1/2 weeks into my training and life has a balance to it that brings a smile to my face already. Let the games begin...
No comments:
Post a Comment