The Battle between the Ears

102 days till race day... Come at me triathlon, come at me.

Going Mental

Mental training. We hear a lot about it, read about it, and know about the importance of it in sport. Mental training often involves concepts such as visualisation, techniques for focus in difficult training sessions and its use to maximise performance during events and competitions. In my opinion, mental training should ideally include all facets of your life. I believe that an integral part of mental training is to identify where any doubts and fears may lurk as well as the imbalances that we may hold within our work-life-happiness systems. It is right now that I am currently working hard on these aspects. It is important for me to recognise where I have doubts and what fears I have, what my main motivations are, my priorities, and why I truly do what I do. By working through this knowledge and eliminating these doubts is how I can truly develop myself, reduce doubt and fear (or do it anyway) and achieve my goals both in and out of the sporting arena.

It is paramount to be truly honest with yourself for this and ask yourself the right questions so that you can  draw out where your true motivation and drive comes from and even more importantly know when this is coming from a positive or negative force and adjust accordingly. For example, is it actually more important for you to fit back into those size 8 jeans that are sitting in the cupboard or to run up that hill 10 seconds faster than you did last week? Why do you really sometimes justify that you need to sleep in an hour longer in the morning rather than get up and fit in that kick arse training session instead? Are you more frightened of not getting to the finish line of a race, or actually having to tell someone that you didn't make it? There are no wrong answers and either option is acceptable as long as you recognise them and know what it is that you are actually chasing.

5 Things that I have already learnt about myself in this process -

1. Tuesday is the day that I am least likely to train:
It is the day after rest day. The first day of the training week, so you would think it would be the most likely day to be motivated. I think that it has something to do with its tendency to be the busiest day of the working week for me, although a standard 9-6pm day. I possess a weird difficulty with getting out there for hard training sessions after a full day of work, maybe more so because I often feel more depleted from the mental tiredness of dealing with people all day rather than the physical tiredness. I also despise the winter, so I can be monumentally soft at starting a training session once the dark and cold of the night has already settled in. What I  need to do is suck it up and get out there anyway. P.S. I am also a terrible morning person, so the option of a really early start for a session before work is almost a complete write off on days that I have to leave for work by 8am.

2. I am still terrified of riding my bike on the road again and getting hit by a car:
A few years ago now, only 5 weeks out from competing in the Shepparton Half Ironman, and in the best fitness shape of my adult life, I got hit by a car whilst out on a training ride on Beach Road. From this I tore my right calf muscle and did some serious damage to my knee. I recovered slowly and did not 'jump back on the bike' as quickly as I should have. The reality is that I have not effectively ridden out in road traffic since then, nor have I tackled the triathlon training for that distance level event. Until now. So both the race and getting back out cycling  is an important monkey on my back that needs to be shaken off and a personal victory that I attach importance to.

3. I have a hang up about not being fast enough and about my weight:
I am not blessed with a natural athletic talent/ability or a physical build to go with it. I am currently actually very self-conscious about my weight. I also admit that I don't want to come last in the field or have someone scoff at what I'm doing because they don't think that I'm fit or fast enough to be competing. Yep it's out there, I sometimes do care what other people think. I also have half a wardrobe of nice clothes that I currently do not fit into, and I want to get back into them. Despite these somewhat superficial concerns, I am currently working hard at squashing these doubts and finding MY version of fast, MY personal best, and learning to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

4. I am mentally tough enough to get through almost any training session once I have started it:
I may not have the ease of ability, but I can work hard and I can make up for it with heart. I don't quit once I'm out there. I hold zero doubt about my mental ability to tough something out. This is an important strength for me as I believe that the physical strength and prowess can catch up to my mental strength over time.

5. I find triathlon training a comforting proof that despite having rheumatoid arthritis (RA), I will not be rendered physically useless:
This point probably requires its own dedicated post. For those playing at home that are unfamiliar with what RA is, here is a definition:

 rheumatoid arthritis

1. a chronic progressive disease causing inflammation in the joints and resulting in painful deformity and immobility, especially in the fingers, wrists, feet, and ankles.

Yes I have abit of a chip on my shoulder about it. Ask my boyfriend how stubborn I can be... especially when it comes to admitting that some days RA gets on top of me. I was diagnosed a few years ago now, however it is still probably in its early stages. This was one of the many reasons that I took on running a marathon in 2012. At the time I was battling with a Rheumatologist, who told me that I should hang up the running shoes forever. I know, I know that there is some merit in that, but only from the standpoint of reducing impact and joint destruction, not giving up on exercising altogether. 
Triathlon gives me 3 disciplines to choose from so that I can often decide what I can do even on 'bad days'. Initially my feet were the most effected and running regularly has often been simply too painful and too difficult to sustain. These days my hands and wrists are by far the worst effected. I understand how someone can ask me how I could possibly train for something like a triathlon if I often struggle to get through my working day? Or consider such a physical test if I move around resembling a 90 year old woman for the first 2 hours of each day. (This is probably the real reason I'm not much of a morning person these days.) Podiatry work is daily battle at this time of year as the winter months bring more pain and flare ups. The reality is that I constantly have to use my hands at work for practical treatment, scalpel work, and handling of  instruments whilst maintaining accuracy and fine attention to detail. This unfortunately wreaks havoc on the pain in my hands and if I'm completely honest here, I sometimes find myself shedding frustrated tears when alone in my consultation room,  in between patient appointments, counting down to the end of my patient load or next chance to get to the heat pack. The second harsh reality associated with this is that my days in practical treatment of Podiatry have a deadline. At this stage it is dependent on how quickly I can finish my Psychology studies and move into the psychology field. I will probably talk about this more in future posts.
Fortunately the saviour of my sanity with all this, is that I can often still run when my hands are sore. I can swim with probably the least amount of pain, and the bike can be tolerated even though gripping those handle bars can sometimes be tough. So yes there is a hell of a lot of motivation about completing a couple of important triathlon events for me, that are tied into not being beaten down by this annoying auto-immune condition that I have.

Happiness is in the journey rather than the destination

I find it easiest to reflect and hold a mental workshop with myself in two scenarios. When I'm driving alone in my car, and when I am running. My brother and I have talked about the concept of 'moving meditation' before. That feeling of a clear mind and body whilst running or exercising, allowing whatever random thoughts to simply pass through and reaching an almost meditative state. As I've previously mentioned, I know that this occurs for me largely when I'm swimming. Running doesn't really give me this feeling. For me, when I'm running, I seem to be able to think more clearly, I can sort out problems in my head, and take on any uncomfortable thoughts or concepts I haven't wanted to deal with during my daily life. I get to 'live inside my head' during these times and I value it as important 'me' time. Cheaper than therapy? Definitely.
I recognise now that it has been running that has probably been the true catalyst in helping me recover from bouts of depression in the past. When I run I can sort out and face up to what I may have tried not to think about during other times when I have to wear my 'game face' and keep everything together. During some really low times that I have experienced, when I have walked around feeling completely numb and empty, it is when running that I have relished its feeling of physical pain and exertion as a reminder that I am alive, and that I can 'feel' something. It is no surprise that I ended up training for and running a marathon not too long after my previous marriage ended. When people sometimes say after a hard day 'I need to go for a run', I get it, I totally get it.

The good news about running, is that I also enjoy it when I'm in a happy place. Such as now, when I am probably the happiest and most content that I have been for a very long time. Therefore running and training also serves as a bonus level of happiness and motivation to add to my life. Most of us would include achieving happiness as one of our major life goals yet all too often we get so caught up in the continual strive for 'better' or 'more', or the tendency to believe we will be even happier when we get to Plan A or B, live in a particular place, have a certain job, start a family etc, etc... So we end up missing out on enjoying the present moment for what it is. I love the statement "Be happy for this moment, for this moment is your life." So true. Make sure you recognise when you are actually happy, because it is during these times that you are truly living your life in all its capacity.

Paint by numbers

List item #8: Write a new post in my blog

I like lists. I like making lists. I like ticking off items on the list as I complete them. I like using a highlighter AND a pen to do the ticking and strike through. I like post it notes. I like to restart a list on a new page if I believe that I can no longer complete the original list that I first began. It does not feel the same to put it in electronic format or on my iphone, I get more satisfaction out of physically writing these things down. I know that this may point to control freak tendencies or probably some form of deep seated pathology. I know this and I don't mind this side of me at all. With a list I get things done, I feel a greater sense of accomplishment, and it helps to organise my thoughts and priorities. It is no wonder I enjoy shopping at Officeworks so much. Stationery utopia.

Its a numbers game

I also like numbers. Not in the 'Yay lets do some maths equations and algebra!' way, more in the 'How many days until...' or 'How many more minutes of running..' format. I like to keep countdowns until significant events. I like to crunch the numbers in my head as I am training. I often break down a training session into blocks of minutes. For example; for a 50 min session on the bike wind trainer, once i start pedaling, I will probably approach as 5 X 10 min blocks, noting each little milestone along the way as 1/4 done, halfway, and then begin counting down the minutes once I get under the 10 minute mark.

It keeps my brain busy when I am doing something that I find physically difficult. It also seems to enable me to complete the longer sessions and increase my mental strength when the entire training session at the beginning can feel like a long way to go. 

I also do this when swimming at the pool, but mainly because I so quickly lose count of my laps/lengths. I sometimes almost need to repeatedly tell myself which lap I'm in for the entire time I swim it so that I don't confuse myself. I'm not sure if I just have a mind like a sieve at times or whether it is because I find swimming so meditative that I can switch the brain off to everything except the most simple ideas. In a 50m pool, I consider each count an up and back 100m. So, last night I had 1200m to swim so I counted that I had 12 laps to do to reach my mark. Swimming is going well, and I found I have handled this week's jump from 800m to 1200m swim session better than I expected.

Back to Good

The above paragraph heading is not only a song title for a Matchbox Twenty song and a poor expression of the English language, it is what I have been singing for the past week as I happily discover that the pain in my previously fractured back has all but completely subsided. Thank goodness. I have managed to continue non impact training throughout the last month, however I did not report much on this as it was pretty boring stuff and went by without any drama. I am still on track for November's half ironman, I just need to begin to re-introduce the impact slowly throughout the next few weeks.

I miss the running outside the most, and am HANGING for that to creep back into the regular routine. It just has not been the same forging on with the combination of treadmill running/cross trainer set up, but at least I have still managed to work on my overall fitness this way. So as an overall training report.. Swim - pushing along unimpeded and doing consistently well. Bike - reluctantly sticking to stationery stuff until I know that the base of my spine can handle the impact of the road, however consistently completing these sessions in 45-60 min blocks of steady riding. Run - combo of reduced impact, that will slowly begin to branch out to road/trail running. Concrete is not my friend and to be avoided as much as possible for the majority of my training right up until November.

The body is a temple

Unfortunately the body is also a nightclub floor or a rubbish bin at times. In the previous month I have made a concerted effort to really work on not only my training regime, but also my overall eating patterns, my sleep, my mental health and well-being in its entirety. The full package. My boyfriend and I often discuss the changes that need to be implemented and work together to help each other figure out the areas we are most likely to succeed and fail when it comes to living the healthier and fitter lifestyle that we are both craving. We want to establish good habits for ourselves for now and in the years ahead. We also want to maintain and show a good example and way of life to any potential children that we may be lucky enough to have in the future. Plus we want to look hot in our old age.. haha!

Already I have lost 6 kg since getting serious about cleaning up my eating habits. Seeing tangible progress on the scales and in my measurements provides ongoing motivation. I am aware that at times I still fall off the wagon, but instead of beating myself up about it for the following couple of days, I am learning to accept it and move on to the next meal without worrying so much about it.

My alcohol intake has markedly reduced. I think I have only had about 2-3 beers and the same of wine throughout the last month. This has improved my sleep patterns, reduced bloating substantially, and generally helped to minimise how much weight I hang onto and improved my training recovery (which I will need more and more as my training levels increase).

Nature's way

As someone with Rheumatoid Arthritis, I have the potential for this time of year to seriously bring me undone. I live with alot more pain in the colder months and sometimes find just getting through the working day using my hands a challenge in itself. I do not consider it an option to load up on painkillers and other medication for my condition, particularly as some of these medications reduce their effectiveness as time goes on, have their own nasty side effects and cumulative effects, plus are toxic to me if I'm considering having children anytime soon. So yesterday I went to see the local Naturopath for some advice. I liked her immediately and found her thorough, understanding, and seems to practice with a nice balance of holistic health rather than peddling a particular product or making me feel like she's about to start slapping fish above my head. I have been given some homework (happily put straight on the to-do list), including keeping a food/trigger diary which of course is right up my ally as I get to write down things, highlight them and keep a check list of what is happening. My diet is being geared towards reducing inflammation in my body, working with my blood type, increasing fibre, and regulating my digestive system. I also have a hormonal imbalance that will be tackled in due course. Although I may have stepped straight out of the appointment into the shops and polished off a packet of balsamic vinegar chips, then promptly forgot to take the liquid of 'clean out' last night, or remembered to put my chia seeds on my breakfast this morning, I'll get there soon enough. 

   Puffy hands.. Although a 'good' day

    Puffy feet, the joys of RA..

Its all about the bike.. 

Lance Armstrong wrote a very successful book before we all discovered that he is actually a drug cheat called 'It's not about the bike'. For him it may have been more about EPO injections than his bike, but for me right now, it certainly feels a lot about the bike. I am quietly obsessed with improving my current bike set up and eyeing off a new set of wheels/bike frame if I get serious enough out there on the pedal action. I have spent some happy time in the bike shop, discussing all the ins and outs with a road bike enthusiast/shop assistant, who has not made me feel like a moron for not understanding every latest component and bike gadget, or feel like I should not ride unless I can sustain over 35km/hour for 8 hours of riding. He was  happy to re-explain to me how to use my long forgotten chain breaker tool, and explain the genuine improvements compared to the trumped up ideas in bike world. He also acknowledged and agreed with my need to distance myself from the triathlon 'in-crowd' mentality. I want to ride something that is comfortable and works with me rather than against me when I'm riding long distances, not because it has whatever the triathlete snobs consider acceptable and looks pretty in transition area. I don't need to worry about the 20g weight difference in a small bike component of the gearing system. I need a saddle that won't tear my butt apart when riding over 80km..

    Working on the bike..

    Changing tyre tubes

.. and back to numbers..

So I have some numbers floating around to get down on paper, simply because it makes me happy:

• 129 - the days left until race day
• 6 - kilograms of weight lost & the number of training sessions I'm currently completing per week
• 10 - kilograms of weight left to lose until goal/racing weight
• 19 - the number of weeks (now closer to 18) remaining until race day
• 499 - the minimum dollar amount of almost anything worth having when seeking new triathlon equipment
• 32 - the number of hours at work when my new work hours kick in in a couple of weeks that will allow room for the other exciting things coming up in my world
• 3 - the number of coffees required per day to consider myself a functioning human
• 7 - the number of nights per week that my boyfriend falls asleep on the couch before he's finished talking about what subject we are on
• 12 - the number of items on my current list
• 17 - the number of minutes left before I need to leave the house to go to work
• 174 - the number of sleeps until christmas...