The other day I went out for my first run in nearly 11 months. It was only 10 minutes, but it was 10 minutes of pure happiness. 'Run' is probably a loose definition for what it entailed, as it is probably more accurate to describe it as an awkward combination of jogging and shuffling, at a speed not much quicker than a fast paced walk, yet running is what the mind was willing this banged up body to do.
I came through the front door afterwards, greeted by my husband (happily vacuuming the house with our newborn baby sleeping in a baby carrier on his chest at the time mind you) with the words "How was it?". There was no need to reply with words, the massive grin plastered across my face said it all. This smile was mixed with joyful tears which rolled down my face for the next 20 minutes as I went through the strength and stretching exercises that a postnatal physio had prescribed me as part of my post c-section recovery. I had made it. I had finally made it to a physical place that enabled me to use my body positively again. The feeling of health and wellness re-entering my body once more as the illness and ravages of an awful pregnancy left it, overwhelmed me with happiness and emotion.
I had been waiting for this day for what felt like an eternity. There were times, in my darkest moments, particularly whilst hooked up to umpteen IV fluid bags in hospital, that I was not sure that I would ever feel normal again. It was not simply a matter of physical benefit once the doctor cleared me for a slow return to normal exercise after the pregnancy, labour, and an eventual emergency c-section. It was an emotional, mental and overall benefit that I gained by being able to lace up my runners once more. I have mentioned many times that running for me is all about mental well-being, stress release, and an outlet. I am not genetically blessed with a runner's physique and I am certainly never going to break any land speed records, but I enjoy it. The small act of running 10 minutes, meant so much more to me than the act itself could capture. It almost felt as good as crossing the finish line of the marathon. Almost.. (I want to experience that feeling again one day by the way). I guess it was a different kind of finish line for me this week. It symbolised the true end of a tough chapter in my life, the celebration of a new beginning in so many facets of my world. Now with a beautiful baby girl to raise with my awesome husband, a year of maternity leave so as to concentrate on my new role as a mother, continued studies to keep moving towards my professional goals, and renewed enthusiasm for my health and fitness, blue skies have returned in full force.
10 minutes - 10 kilometres - 10 goals - size 10 - 10 months... 10!
It appears that for me, next year will have as its theme the number 10. I am 6 years too late or it could've been extra cool to be doing this in 2010, but 2016 will have to do, being as it is the current place in time, and obviously I don't have any control over time or this blog would be a lot more exciting and on a different topic altogether.
I have learnt that the best way for me to get something done, particularly training, is to find an event, enter it and then structure my training to get there. I have also learnt that there often needs to be some flexibility in these plans, and that I also have a tendency to bite off way more than I can chew. This sometimes leads to failure to get to such events. When life has thrown the odd curve ball, the training then goes amiss. When I have tended to set lofty goals that rely on everything going to plan also often with tight time frames, then it becomes impossible far too easily.
I have learnt that I need to be more conservative about setting more achievable goals or I will again find myself in too difficult a position to get to them. In true form of this, in the haze of my post 10 minute run, I immediately started looking at competing in next years Gold Coast half marathon in July next year. Although its do-able to train for a half marathon from scratch in 6 months, it is probably not do-able for me to do right now, with a new baby to structure around, in combination with my study and a busy life in general. The Gold Coast event is dear to me because that is where I completed a marathon in 2012. I hope to one day return to crack the 4 hour marathon time barrier in the Gold Coast, but in the meantime I like the idea of running in the shorter distances there until I am able to tackle the full distance once more. I also like that it is held in the dead of a Melbourne winter and is an excuse to head north for some warmer weather.
Anyway, so with further reflection, I decided to enter the Gold Coast 10km distance event instead. I thought it fitting to run 1km for every minute of my initial return to running. It gives myself a little symbolic meaning and motivation so as not to forget how important the small wins are along the way. 10 for 10.
Interestingly, the number 10 seems to feature in a few objectives that I have set myself in the upcoming year. At nearly 2 months post birth, I have now settled onto a consistent weight number on the scales that can serve as my starting point for getting back to my optimum weight. That means that I have 10 kilograms to lose to reach this point. I'm kinder to myself now that I'm in my mid-30s than I used to be. I'm not trying to achieve a weight that I haven't been since I was 19 years old or anything. I'm striving for a healthy weight, that has in the past made me feel healthy, happy, and comfortable in myself and my clothes. I ride the roller-coaster of weight like the best of them. I would own a well-used yo-yo when it comes to the up and down bouncing of my weight over the years. I've never been skinny, I have no desire to be so, but I do need to lose some weight in order to be healthier, fitter, and happier.
The next 10 to feature is related to my clothing size. When I am at my goal weight, I will most likely be a comfortable size 8-10. I have clothes that sit in my wardrobe for such an occasion and seem to come out once every couple of years and then get banished back into the cupboard darkness once I get to a larger size 12 and beyond. It's not that I believe that I'm unattractive at a size 12 or 14, and have been up at a size 16 at times also. It is that when I am rolling around in a size 10, I am also in good physical shape and fitness. I sleep better, feel better, wear nicer clothes, can run around in a crop style support instead of a structured sports bra (the boobs are always the first to reduce when the weight goes down!).
Now, I'm totally aware that my body is different now that I have carried and had a child. The intricate pattern of stretch marks that now decorate my lower abdomen surrounding my c-section scar are a reminder of this. I am also aware that I need to be gentle with this new body, but also put the adequate work in to support it, strengthen it, and build it up to handle the physicality of running 10 kilometres again. This I use as motivation rather than as a deterrent. I believe that I can probably be in better shape now than I was prior to having a child. I believe that going through physical strain, pain and illness for 9 months has helped me have a greater awareness of the value of feeling better and has also toughened me up to be able to push myself when I need it. When I was training for the marathon, I used to actually enjoy when I returned from a long, tough training run and sometimes threw up, feeling god-awfully ill for a while. Now, I'm likely to have an anxiety attack the next time I throw up. After spewing up to 30 times a day throughout my pregnancy, I'm not keen to do it again anytime soon. However, feeling awful for 8 months might mean that I'm also likely to handle short term physical discomforts a little better too. And yes, I acknowledge that once you have experienced the pain of labour, you then understand that NOTHING else hurts as much as that, so it may increase my general pain threshold too.
10... 10 is also quite possibly the minimum amount of months I would like to have between now and the consideration of heading into round 2 of pregnancy and babies. I don't want to wait too long, if I have the option that is, to have another child, for various reasons such as close in age, my ticking biological clock, getting another potentially horrific pregnancy over and done with, career and study considerations, etc... yet I think I want a good few months and a majority of a year to get myself and my body back, my health and the ability to eat normal food, drink water (oh water how I love you!), enjoy my little girl and being a family of 3 first.
This has inspired me to set a list of 10 goals for 2016. I'm not entirely keen to do this right now, being the end of the year and looking too suspiciously like a list of new year resolutions. So perhaps I'll hold off on setting 10 goals until February or March, when it no longer holds the cliche level it does right now.
For now, I'm concentrating on the amazing little victories along the way, like drinking 3-4 litres per day, having an awesome husband who will watch the little one while I head out for a jog when he is home, walking with bubs in the pram enjoying the outdoors and fresh air, eating normal food, and the brilliant side effect of breastfeeding that includes still burning calories to be somehow losing weight despite eating anything not nailed down due to the excessive hunger that goes along with being a human milk machine. 10... the number of doughnuts that I'm capable of eating in one sitting right now...
Interestingly, the number 10 seems to feature in a few objectives that I have set myself in the upcoming year. At nearly 2 months post birth, I have now settled onto a consistent weight number on the scales that can serve as my starting point for getting back to my optimum weight. That means that I have 10 kilograms to lose to reach this point. I'm kinder to myself now that I'm in my mid-30s than I used to be. I'm not trying to achieve a weight that I haven't been since I was 19 years old or anything. I'm striving for a healthy weight, that has in the past made me feel healthy, happy, and comfortable in myself and my clothes. I ride the roller-coaster of weight like the best of them. I would own a well-used yo-yo when it comes to the up and down bouncing of my weight over the years. I've never been skinny, I have no desire to be so, but I do need to lose some weight in order to be healthier, fitter, and happier.
The next 10 to feature is related to my clothing size. When I am at my goal weight, I will most likely be a comfortable size 8-10. I have clothes that sit in my wardrobe for such an occasion and seem to come out once every couple of years and then get banished back into the cupboard darkness once I get to a larger size 12 and beyond. It's not that I believe that I'm unattractive at a size 12 or 14, and have been up at a size 16 at times also. It is that when I am rolling around in a size 10, I am also in good physical shape and fitness. I sleep better, feel better, wear nicer clothes, can run around in a crop style support instead of a structured sports bra (the boobs are always the first to reduce when the weight goes down!).
Now, I'm totally aware that my body is different now that I have carried and had a child. The intricate pattern of stretch marks that now decorate my lower abdomen surrounding my c-section scar are a reminder of this. I am also aware that I need to be gentle with this new body, but also put the adequate work in to support it, strengthen it, and build it up to handle the physicality of running 10 kilometres again. This I use as motivation rather than as a deterrent. I believe that I can probably be in better shape now than I was prior to having a child. I believe that going through physical strain, pain and illness for 9 months has helped me have a greater awareness of the value of feeling better and has also toughened me up to be able to push myself when I need it. When I was training for the marathon, I used to actually enjoy when I returned from a long, tough training run and sometimes threw up, feeling god-awfully ill for a while. Now, I'm likely to have an anxiety attack the next time I throw up. After spewing up to 30 times a day throughout my pregnancy, I'm not keen to do it again anytime soon. However, feeling awful for 8 months might mean that I'm also likely to handle short term physical discomforts a little better too. And yes, I acknowledge that once you have experienced the pain of labour, you then understand that NOTHING else hurts as much as that, so it may increase my general pain threshold too.
10... 10 is also quite possibly the minimum amount of months I would like to have between now and the consideration of heading into round 2 of pregnancy and babies. I don't want to wait too long, if I have the option that is, to have another child, for various reasons such as close in age, my ticking biological clock, getting another potentially horrific pregnancy over and done with, career and study considerations, etc... yet I think I want a good few months and a majority of a year to get myself and my body back, my health and the ability to eat normal food, drink water (oh water how I love you!), enjoy my little girl and being a family of 3 first.
This has inspired me to set a list of 10 goals for 2016. I'm not entirely keen to do this right now, being the end of the year and looking too suspiciously like a list of new year resolutions. So perhaps I'll hold off on setting 10 goals until February or March, when it no longer holds the cliche level it does right now.
For now, I'm concentrating on the amazing little victories along the way, like drinking 3-4 litres per day, having an awesome husband who will watch the little one while I head out for a jog when he is home, walking with bubs in the pram enjoying the outdoors and fresh air, eating normal food, and the brilliant side effect of breastfeeding that includes still burning calories to be somehow losing weight despite eating anything not nailed down due to the excessive hunger that goes along with being a human milk machine. 10... the number of doughnuts that I'm capable of eating in one sitting right now...
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